“I Don’t Want to Be a Burden”: When Expressing Needs Feels Impossible
You Know What You Need. But You Won’t Say It Out Loud.
You need space.
You need help.
You need affection. Support. Reassurance.
You need to be understood.
But instead of asking, you:
Go silent
Minimize
Rationalize
Get passive-aggressive (oops)
Withdraw completely
Then you feel frustrated that no one just knows.
And even more ashamed that you’re upset about something you never said.
This isn’t you being manipulative.
It’s you being afraid.
Why Expressing Needs Feels So Risky
If you were taught (directly or indirectly) that needs = weakness or danger, you probably learned to:
Become hyper-independent
Take care of others to feel worthy
Keep your feelings to yourself
Hope someone reads your mind before you have to say the thing
So now?
You wait.
You hope.
You hint.
And then you resent.
It’s not brokenness. It’s a strategy.
But it's costing you the connection you’re quietly starving for.
Sound Familiar?
“If I have to ask, it doesn’t count.”
“I don’t want to be dramatic.”
“They should just know.”
“Other people have it worse—I shouldn’t complain.”
“If I need too much, they’ll leave.”
You learned to shrink your needs so no one would walk away.
But now? You’re the one leaving yourself.
What Therapy Can Help You Relearn
At Sunburst Psychology, we work with deeply feeling, emotionally intelligent people in Seattle and Bellevue who are tired of being so attuned to others—and so disconnected from themselves.
We help you:
Understand where your needs suppression began
Rebuild permission to take up space emotionally
Practice expressing needs in a way that feels safe
Learn to tolerate not being “perfectly understood” every time
Grieve the relationships that taught you your needs weren’t welcome
This isn’t about becoming demanding.
It’s about becoming real.
Tips for Reconnecting to Your Needs (Without Shame)
1. Write down one emotional need per day.
Just to practice noticing them. “I needed reassurance today.” Start small.
2. Say the scary sentence once a week.
“I could use help with this.” Or: “Can you check in on me more when I’m quiet?” Breathe through the discomfort.
3. Don’t confuse “being hard to read” with being low maintenance.
You are not easier to love because you disappear.
4. Let someone support you imperfectly.
Even if they don’t do it “right”—you still deserve to be supported.
Your Needs Aren’t Too Much
They’re just unmet.
That doesn’t make you needy.
It makes you human.
And you don’t have to keep pretending you’re fine.
Looking for therapy in Seattle or Bellevue because you’re tired of shrinking your needs to keep peace?
You’re allowed to take up space—starting here.
Schedule a consultation with Sunburst Psychology.
We help thoughtful, high-functioning adults express their needs with clarity, courage, and zero apology.
