How to Help Your Child Regulate Without Losing Your Own Mind
You love your kid. You really do.
But if you’ve ever found yourself whisper-screaming “JUST CALM DOWN” while they’re full-body sobbing over a blue cup instead of the green one… welcome. You’re among friends.
Helping a child learn emotional regulation is a skill.
It’s also an act of incredible patience, practice, and deep breathing you didn’t know your lungs were capable of.
At Sunburst Psychology, we work with parents across Bellevue, Redmond, and Kirkland who are navigating the wild terrain of tantrums, outbursts, emotional spirals, and tiny dictators who crumble when their banana breaks in half.
You’re not a bad parent. You’re just working with a child whose nervous system is still learning how to exist in the world.
Here’s how you can help.
First, What Emotional Dysregulation Looks Like
It’s not just being dramatic. It’s a nervous system response to overwhelm or distress. You may notice your child:
Screaming, throwing, hiding, or running away
Shutting down and refusing to speak
Becoming “mean,” angry, or controlling
Completely losing it over something that seems small
They’re not manipulating. They’re not trying to ruin your day.
They’re drowning—and they don’t know how to swim yet.
Tips to Help Kids Regulate (Without You Spiraling Too)
1. Stay Regulated Yourself (Easier Said Than Done, We Know)
Your calm is contagious. Your chaos is too.
Start with grounding yourself:
Take one deep breath before responding
Lower your voice instead of raising it
Pause before jumping into correction
Say to yourself:
“They’re having a hard time, not giving me a hard time.”
2. Use Short, Simple Language
In meltdown mode, kids aren’t processing logic.
Keep it minimal:
“You’re safe.”
“I’m here.”
“Let’s breathe together.”
Leave the TED Talk for later.
3. Name the Feeling Without Judgment
Validation builds safety. Try:
“That was really frustrating, huh?”
“You didn’t like when that happened.”
“It’s okay to feel mad. I’m here.”
Avoid:
“You’re overreacting.”
“It’s not a big deal.”
“Why are you like this?!”
(Maybe scream that into a pillow later. We all do.)
4. Have a Calm Down Plan Before the Storm Hits
Work with your child to create a “regulation menu” for when they start to feel off.
Options might include:
Deep breaths
Squeezing a pillow
Going to a cozy corner
Using a weighted blanket
Drawing or scribbling hard
Let them choose. Kids love feeling some control, even when their world feels out of control.
5. Get Support for Both of You
When regulation feels impossible—every day, every setting—it may be time to bring in backup.
At Sunburst Psychology, we offer parent training and child therapy that helps families:
Decode big behaviors
Build emotional skills
Break the meltdown cycle
Feel more connected (instead of constantly at odds)
You don’t have to become a therapist.
You just need the right tools—and a little support.
Parent Support & Child Therapy in Bellevue, Redmond & Kirkland
If your days are full of emotional storms, you’re not alone—and you’re not failing.
Sunburst Psychology supports families with strong-willed, emotionally sensitive, and neurodivergent kids throughout the Eastside.
Let’s help your child learn to regulate… and help you breathe again, too.
