Why Traditional Marriage Counseling Doesn’t Work for Neurodiverse Couples—And What Actually Helps
You Tried the Therapy. You Did the Homework. You’re Still Arguing About the Dishes.
So you went to marriage counseling.
You talked about “active listening.”
You tried the scripts. You made the eye contact. You even did the weekly check-ins.
But it felt… off.
Your ND partner felt misunderstood or pathologized.
Your NT partner left feeling emotionally abandoned.
You both left wondering: Did that make anything better?
Welcome to the not-so-secret truth about traditional couples therapy:
It doesn’t work for neurodiverse couples.
Because it wasn’t built for you.
“Normal” Marriage Counseling Assumes Two Neurotypical Brains. That’s the Problem.
Most standard couples therapy frameworks are built on:
Shared emotional language
Similar processing speeds
Mutual nonverbal reading skills
Equal access to self-regulation
Comfort with vulnerability in session
But if one partner is autistic, ADHD, or otherwise neurodivergent?
You can throw that framework in the compost bin.
Because now you’re dealing with:
Sensory overload during sessions
Communication breakdowns that aren’t about “not listening”—they’re about neurotype mismatch
Conflict styles that feel like emotional warfare to one partner and emotional starvation to the other
Emotional experiences that don’t show up the way therapists expect them to
The result?
The ND partner feels broken.
The NT partner feels unheard.
Everyone leaves more resentful than when they came in.
What Mixed-Neurotype Couples Actually Need
At Sunburst Psychology, we offer mixed neurotype marriage counseling in Seattle, Bellevue, and the Eastside that isn’t trying to cram your relationship into a neurotypical mold.
We help couples where one or both partners may be:
Autistic or on the spectrum
ADHD or AuDHD
Late-diagnosed and still figuring things out
Neurotypical but overwhelmed by how different this feels from what they expected
Our job isn’t to “fix” anyone.
It’s to help you both build a relationship that actually works—for you.
What Makes Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Different?
Instead of asking, “How can we communicate better?”
We ask: “How do your brains communicate differently?”
Instead of focusing on “active listening,”
We explore sensory needs, processing styles, and emotional accessibility.
Instead of pushing eye contact and face-to-face talking,
We normalize things like side-by-side conversations, texting difficult thoughts, or pausing to stim.
Instead of assuming “both people just need to try harder,”
We explore how masking, burnout, and trauma may be keeping one or both of you from showing up fully.
This isn’t textbook therapy.
This is relationship therapy built for real brains in real bodies—with very real differences.
Things We Do in Neurodiverse Couples Therapy That You Won’t Get in Standard Marriage Counseling
Help partners understand sensory and emotional regulation needs (so no one’s meltdown gets mistaken for apathy)
Break down communication styles without assigning blame
Support partners in learning how to repair ruptures without shame
Teach neurotypical partners how to connect without centering “normal”
Give neurodivergent partners tools to express emotions without masking
Create shared language that honors both your needs—not just the therapist’s idea of what intimacy should look like
Sound Familiar?
“I feel like I’m always the one who’s too sensitive / too much / too hard to love.”
“I never know what my partner is feeling.”
“They shut down when I try to talk about hard stuff.”
“They don’t get how hard it is for me to connect after work / noise / conflict.”
“It’s like we live in different emotional time zones.”
These aren’t flaws. These are neurotype differences—and they deserve specific support.
Who This Is For
We work with couples who are:
Newly exploring a possible autism or ADHD diagnosis
Deep in the trenches of a long-term mixed-neurotype relationship
Feeling like they’ve tried everything and nothing sticks
Struggling with constant misunderstandings, even with love at the center
Desperate to feel close again—but don’t know how
We see couples in Seattle, Bellevue, Kirkland, Redmond, and online across Washington.
Looking for neurodivergent couples counseling in Seattle that actually gets how your brains work?
We’re not here to make you more normal. We’re here to make your relationship more yours.
Schedule a consultation with Sunburst Psychology.
You’ve tried therapy that wasn’t made for you. Now try something that is.
